anticipation

In the lull of being home, or perhaps just the comfort of truly familiar surroundings, I've lacked the drive to write every day, not felt the necessity of writing every day. In a way my writing is a way to reach out, or reach within, in order to communicate with others and myself. Lately, life hasn't thrown me anything incredibly new and exciting. Or at least nothing that strikes me as terribly different from my lifestyle like my travels in Italy did. But with Italy just around the corner yet again and the finishings of little writing application for an online mentorship with UBC and working my last week at the office, I can't help but feel that excitement and anticipation of new adventures to come.

Last week it had hit me that I would be leaving. For Italy. For 5 months. I would have no towels that are my own, no sheets that are familiar, nothing but a barely furnished room without decoration, without life settled in it. I would be in Europe. I would be going to school. Completely in Italian. And for some reason I had felt afraid and nervous. This only hit more when I started going through some clothes with my mom last weekend. I would need clothes for lots of weather, it rains a lot in Ferrara, especially in November. I found everything incredibly overwhelming. I didn't know when I was leaving, I hadn't yet printed out my ticket, I owed some amount of money to my landlady for an apartment whose address number I had forgotten. For months I have been repeating that I am going to study abroad with the Middlebury Program in Ferrara this fall for a semester until January in which month I will have exams. I still don't know when I am coming home. I still don't know my courses. The repetition didn't help solidify the fact that I would be going away for a long period of time. But the fear and worry has worn off as the moment of the end/beginning, that time in between that is so hard to grasp, starts to take hold.

I will be in Europe. Completely in Italian. A couple of opportunities to travel. Plenty of time to learn, read, write. I will write more often, and find a new rhythm. Buy sheets, towels, food, notebooks, textbooks. I'll bring my yoga mat and Henderson, my Canadian maple-leaf-sweater-wearing teddy bear. I'll start with a fresh confidence and determination to learn. A new year, a new beginning, a new continent. It's hard not to feel more excited now when I repeat that refrain that I will be in Ferrara for the fall semester. I will be in Ferrara! For the fall semester! In Italy! Wowzers, this is exciting.