I've been wrestling with a whole bunch of emotional issues lately. Sometimes it's been uncomfortable, sometimes I've been bitchy, sometimes it's been tough. But at the end of the day, pushing through all that, kernels of truth form, pearls that are cultured from the tumult.
Anxiety, control, need for approval all seem to swirl in my body through my daily life. At times more prominent, at times forgotten.
What I have found a tantalizing and interesting paradox is the concept of solidity combined with fluidity, security with openness, a grounded core that is porous. I find it a wonderful opposition to explore. How can I stay solid in who I am, breathe into my inner strength and safety, while also remaining open to those around me. It is a gentle solidity. Abrasion isn't necessary. With a constant self, situations may arise, positive and negative both, but I do need to breathe back into the constant. A wonderful concept of oppositions combined into one.
It made me think of an interview I heard with Matthew Sanford, a paraplegic yoga teacher, speaking of embodiment and feeling. He says:
"There's a reason why when my son who's six is crying, he needs a hug. It's not just that he needs my love. He needs boundary around his experience. He needs to know that the pain is contained and can be housed, and it won't be limiting his whole being, that he can—he gets a hug and, mmm, he drops into his body. "
What I love about this quote is the expansiveness of our feelings, that mess of life, wide like the universe. These bodies we inhabit are only temporary structures housing a powerful soul. The way I relate to my body, the way I view it and get beyond it, is all a complicated and wonderfully interesting relationship. One that I will forever continue to explore, along with exploring the paradoxical boundaries. The skin has no edge. Staying rooted in my personality but expanding outwards beyond skin and body. A continual dialogue, a continual dance.