cut off

4 hugs a day for survival
left unfilled

daily emails, phone calls,
attempts

broken communication

in silence i lurk and discover
a digital reality i don't want to know
a bright light screen message i shouldn't have discovered
i shouldn't have had access to

but i can't help but feel the fact
that our hearts forever bleed
and i feel wounded
when i shouldn't know anything at all

really i should just be hopelessly pacing
imagining you dead on the road
slumped over the wheel
cell phone ringing in your pocket to another voice message

really i should still be holding you up
to honesty
to loyalty
to your pedestal

you think it's fine, it's great, it's far away
with so much distance, what's the point
of continuing
holding on to nothing

so we'll talk and exchange empty pleasantries
while foundations crackle and spark
smouldering when you think them stable

i don't think this should be continuous
or that pearly dreams last touchless months apart
but when silence reigns
and i still remember the lively blue of your eye
and the touch of your skin
I feel sinned
I feel rotted
I feel stained