Yesterday I had a bad day, the type of day that flips in your stomach and leaves your heart pounding, not fast, but hard and deliberately. It is one of the worst feelings in the world.
I woke up today wanting to cleanse my body of these negative emotions, so I went to yoga. I breathed deep and forcefully, it was not a peaceful routine. Regardless of the force with which I was breathing I was determined to pledge complete loyalty to the poses, having faith that my own strength would pull me through. "Just focus on breathing, inhaling and exhaling. That's all there is." With those words, I was brought up from a sea of negativity and gasped a breath of fresh air. I had realized that all there is to life is the inhale and the exhale, something so simple and so involuntary.
It was only when I kicked up into a handstand that I really let go of everything. So focused was I on my body and its smooth unfaltering line that I forgot about the energies coursing through my body.
I forgot about my own strength. I had reached a position in my emotional energies where I found myself leaning on other people, other people who weren't there. I felt alone and quite frustrated. I'd lost the self-reflexive beautiful spirit who is completely grounded, unfettered and strong. After class I spoke with my teacher, Amelia, a woman to whom I look up almost reverently. She is a beautiful spirit with crisp words that bring me back to self-awareness. "All you really need is a child's pose or a headstand, have that pressure on your head that brings you back." Too often we strangle our negative energies, fight them, try to suffocate them. And they only fight back. Leading a yoga life means embracing those energies in your body and never forgetting about your own strength. And often, all you need is a headstand.