It really is astonishing what graduating from college will do to you. At least for me, I have started re-evaluating most everything. I get to thinking of the future.
I am home for the summer, working, chilling, rediscovering, reconnecting. And it's been a process, full of transitions, changes, gearshifts. Brings to mind the adage... the only thing constant in life is change. I went from being a student to working parttime as a research assistant and a translator. Once a dorm-liver and a meal-plan devote', I now live in the room adjacent to that of my parents and frequent the kitchen for meals. A campus of 6000+ shrunk to a household of three in a major metropolitan city. It means I spend a lot more time alone, it means a lot of thinking, it means a whole new routine.
And with those changes come mindshifts as well.
My summer job as a research assistant is nice somewhat fulfilling work, researching projects here and there, assisting others in their endeavours, making things work, tracking academic material. But I get to thinking of the future, I recontextualize the work in a post-college life. Do I want to do this for the rest of my life? What do I like about this job? What don't I like? What would I really like to be doing? A continuum expands forward, a far-reaching unstructured shapeless road that extends and disappears without notice.
My father mentioned over dinner the other night, after noticing my comments and sensibilities lately, that I may want to consider Interior Design as an option in the future. And I thought, hm. Considered a bit of what might be involved, and did not recoil at nit-picky details or cons of the job. Of course I need to do more research, but to be able to entertain a career and become indulged in reverie was nice for once. I'm through with academia for now, that's for sure. I've continuously refrained the fact that my job needs to be dynamic, concrete, visual and creative. But beyond adjectives, I haven't been able to name a specific job beyond the internships for which I've applied for next year. Interior design, I can see a future there... I must get to digging.
Up until now, time has been structured. But now... grad school becomes wild and expansive, work could extend on for who knows when, relationships float into a fluid and dynamic space. Chances are now you'll meet people at random parties through no one in particular or anywhere else... the gist basically is, the structure is now up to you. How do you want to live? Where do you want to be in 6 months? (Don't ask 5 years, that's unfair). Do you want to get married? Will you have kids? What do you want your life to be about? How often are you going to go out and party? What is, in fact, your definition of a good time... a satisfactory life?
Questions, questions, questions. All intensely personal, local, driven by a one-person story that only one person knows completely. So I wonder, try things out, and think a lot. I get to thinking about the future, and I also get to dreaming.