It's pretty clear that I am at that point where both the end and the beginning are in sight. It's Junior Summer. I remember thinking that Junior Summer would be that point when I try that job that would lead to my future career. Now that I am here, I know that was a bit of a lofty goal. With Senior year starting in a few short months, I can already see the projects that will keep me busy both then and now...
A senior thesis is in the works, nothing but a bubbling idea at the moment involving de Chirico and his metaphysical paintings in Ferrara during WWI.
A one-year Masters in Arts in Education at the Ed school marinates in my mind as a possibility
And there is the possibilty of taking time off, dreaming a little more
All the while, I keep thinking: where am I headed? This summer I am doing yet another stint at the very fun and always challenging Let's Go, continuning the Italica fascination with a guide to the Mediterranean boot. It's a 9 to 5 thing and I am realizing just how much time that is. You better love what you do if you are going to spend most of your waking life there. Although initially I was challenged by balancing the job with school and another job, I just started some serious editing and I remember the thrill of trying to communicate to a public. I enjoy building that bridge of communication.
Last summer and fall I fell into and in love with photography. A different sort of communication, without words. Working for a photo agency last summer in Italy and then just sinking into the Italian landscape and observing everything around me. I had so much time to sit back and reflect, I truly appreciated the slowness of life and the simple beautiful things that Italy has to offer.
And here I am after a very busy and hectic Junior Spring, where I often felt stressed and frantic. Bam, and it's summer. I have these goals of working 9-5, studying for the GRE, reading for my thesis, doing yoga 3 times a week and leading, um, a life. And up until today, although relaxed, I was feeling as if I'd taken on a bit too much for the summer. Who am I trying to be? What am I trying to prove? I went to see Career Services last semester to map out what I want in a career, which values are dear to me, what my ideal lifestyle would be. I even bought a copy of What Color is Your Parachute.
Today I heard Bill Clinton and 4 Harvard Seniors talk at Class Day. I heard inspirational funny and articulate speeches expounding on the characteristics of leadership and the universality of our common humanity. Sitting there and being wrapped in other peoples' words brought me back to myself. I am a competent and confident human being. I don't have anything to prove to other people, not in terms of on-the-surface expectations. I don't really need to colour in my parachute's hue or follow the refrains and orders from the masses. I can be myself and trust myself.
I know what I appreciate in life: fine wine, cooking for/with friends, making a connection, laughing, being free of anxiety and expectations, feeling good about my strength, my body, my look, my personality, having an eye for aesthetics, and creating a bridge of communication. I've got a creative soul, a powerful drive but also a gentle thoughtful consientious touch. I like researching and being very knowledgeable about what it is that I do. I hate BS, from other and especially from myself. Listening is a very key part of who I am and what I do. Although I like a bit of routine, new adventures are always welcome and I'm not a fan when things get dull. That said, I am by no means fickle, I stick by my family and friends, I learn from my mistakes and I am a constructive hard-worker. I like to think logically and practically.
I needed to do some self reflection and I now feel more confident in myself. As for the colour of my parachute and my life path, I still don't quite know. I am open to ideas and everything I see lately, I take as another brick to slick with mortar and put into the wall, building some new conception of a direction leading out beyond the year that awaits me.