Saturday, April 29, 2006


All I want to do is make sweet love to you,
make you smile that infinite unfading smile,
send you to the moon.

But you gently lay me down
and turn my head aside.

My heart swells
beats a rhythm
and spinning

You peel away my skin
I tremble
Feel misplaced

I reach
To grab onto nothing
Hearing reverberant echoes
Lover’s laughs

Hollow hallway
I stand
Head pressed
To the wall
Body pressed
To the wall
Staring, hearing my heart
Beat through the wallpaper

Sunday, April 23, 2006

when cravings go too far

give me
a wall
of chocolate

something to dig
my teeth into
eat pure satisfaction

something to press
my face against
get involved entirely
drips down my nose

something to melt
against my body
forceful grip of desiring
a moment of death

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I'd really love to cry, but I'm not really sure how

Put on your running shoes
and tshirt

Go outside
Take a deep

Simply start
Any direction will do

Run hard on the concrete
Let out
loud sighs
angry yells
vicious swears

It will release
You will taste
the heat, the waste

You'll feel
the sweat, the pain

And slowly
the gates will open
water will flow
and you'll stop
to lie, curled up
on the grass

wanting to feel close
to yourself
to the earth
catching shuddered breath
releasing uncontrolled tears

roll down
your cheek
and give
the earth
to drink

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Nursing light

I don’t want to share this with you all, I just want to keep it close to my heart, clasped between my palms, a delicate and fragile light, pulsing with its first breaths, still young, I want to hold it close and nurse it, perhaps never let it go. Love only shows up unexpectedly, happening organically, growing slowly. Sometimes I wonder how long it will be until we fight, until we are separated, until we have to deal with unfaithful actions. But I can’t even think of that. I can’t see beyond this moment, here, you, now, sharing who I am without thinking about it, no filter, nothing held back. Open hearts connecting. There are things about you I could grow to hate, but I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me. They’re superficial, I’m attracted to so much more, to something within you that always smiles. It’s something light that we share, passing from one to another, smiling and growing. I could just lie wrapped in sheets, in pause, in words, in laughter, losing myself. Even silence is sweet, subtly powerful. It still grows, we still explore, and it feels like it’s been so long already. I just want to let it silently germinate, breathing, growing brighter.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

We shall grow old

You're growing old
growing hair in places
I've not yet discovered
You start forgetting me as I fade from your vision
You hallucinate wonders that don't exist;
leafy branches sprouting from out heads
We worry about you
We don't know what to do
You crumble before our eyes
Somewhere within you there is this supernatural will to live we cannot understand
You keep going
We keep envisioning the day you die
But you cancel that dream, you postpone the fateful day we all know is coming
We've seen you unravel as time continues spinning under your feet
And we look behind as another part of you falls to the ground
You keep walking
We are all worried, don't know what to do
You keep walking
And we keep walking too
Shades of yourself glimmer beneath the surface
As you fade from our vision and we fade from yours
There is no connection, we're losing you slowly
Your face is now unfamiliar
We try to piece together the words of your struggle
Smiling hopefully
Looking, wanting so much to make it work
But we can't help you
We can't
we're losing you
You're going away slowly,
falling out of reach
One day we'll forget you too,
forgetting how painful it was to be forgotten
to not be recognized before your eyes,
Although you smile at my being here, do you remember me at all?
Have you left me far behind already, just smiling because you haven't yet forgotten how?
You waste away and I wish I could hold on to you even more tightly
But I too grow tired seeing the grains of sand just fall out from my hands
Please stay
Don't go
I worry miles away, hearing of your slow decline, your slow fall into darkness,
your slow fall into a painful yet comforting darkness where you once again know nothing,
the freshness of a baby to the world
but this time your eyes close gently shut

Monday, April 10, 2006

Capital F

I just see myself standing in the middle of the river, mouth pointed up towards the heavens, screaming. Yelling for the Gods to hear my frustration, letting all that anger out. Feeding the tension in my muscles out in breath, in sound. Release any way that makes you feel good, whatever is your practice. You're just as good as everyone else, it just hasn't materialized yet. Rejection somehow fuels me to try and succeed more. Rejection also makes me comedic. I will do what I want whether you sustain me or not, so HA! Look it up, I'll be up there some day, just not here, not with you people. I swim in the class of the elite and I am silently bubbling at the bottom of the river Styx, steeped in mud, you thought I was slothful. Capital F. Boo.